Positive Psychology in Counselling: More Than Thinking Positive

Positive psychology is one of the ideas that has influenced how I approach counselling.

The name can be a little misleading.

It isn't about convincing yourself to be happy, looking for the bright side of everything, or pretending difficult things aren't difficult. If your relationship is falling apart, someone you love died, or you're struggling with something that has been part of your life for years, being told to "think positive" probably isn't very helpful.

The Positive Psychology Center at the University of Pennsylvania describes positive psychology as the study of the strengths that allow individuals and communities to thrive. Importantly, their own explanation of the field is clear that this doesn't mean psychology should stop paying attention to suffering or mental health problems. Their FAQ on positive psychology is worth reading if you're interested in that distinction.

Positive psychology asks a different question.

Along with asking what is going wrong?, we can also ask what is already working?

What has helped you survive difficult periods before? What parts of yourself do you want to keep? What relationships are important to you? What gives you a sense of purpose? When have you handled something better than you expected?

Those questions can give us somewhere to work from.

Problems aren't the whole person

People often come to counselling after spending a lot of time thinking about what's wrong with them.

They're too angry.

They drink too much.

Their anxiety is getting worse.

They keep making the same mistake.

They're not being the partner or parent they want to be.

Those problems may be real, and I don't think therapy should minimize them. But they aren't usually the whole story.

Someone struggling with anger might also care deeply about being a good father.

Someone dealing with addiction may have shown an incredible amount of persistence during periods of recovery.

Someone who is overwhelmed by anxiety may also be the person everybody else relies on.

Those aren't just nice things to point out.

They can tell us something about what motivates the person and what we can build on.

Strengths are a significant part of positive psychology research. The VIA Institute's research on character strengths is one place to explore this work, including research on strengths, relationships, adversity, well-being and different populations.

I use values a lot

One of the things I often come back to in counselling is the kind of person someone wants to be.

Not the person they think they're supposed to be.

The person they actually want to be.

Maybe being a dependable father is important to you. Maybe it's honesty, faith, loyalty, kindness, independence, being a good partner, taking care of your family, or being someone who can be trusted.

Once we know some of those things, we can start comparing them with what's actually happening.

If being a calm and dependable father is important to you, what happens when you're angry?

If honesty is important to you, are there places where you're hiding things?

If family is one of the most important parts of your life, are the ways you're coping bringing you closer to them or pushing them away?

That isn't about shaming someone for falling short.

Most of us fall short of our values sometimes.

The useful part is having something to move toward rather than only having behaviour we're trying to stop.

Positive psychology has spent quite a bit of time looking at meaning, purpose, strengths and the things that contribute to a life people experience as worthwhile. The University of Pennsylvania's overview of applied positive psychology gives a good introduction to some of those ideas.

Values also show up in other forms of therapy I draw from, so I don't think of this as something that belongs exclusively to positive psychology.

Strengths don't mean ignoring responsibility

I think this is especially important in some of the work I do around anger, addiction and behaviour change.

Finding someone's strengths doesn't mean pretending harmful behaviour wasn't harmful.

Someone can be a loving parent and still have done something that hurt their family.

Someone can have survived incredibly difficult circumstances and still need to take responsibility for choices they've made.

Both things can be true.

In counselling, we can look honestly at what needs to change while also figuring out what parts of you can help make that change possible.

Sometimes the strength is obvious.

Sometimes the person hasn't thought of it as a strength at all.

Persistence can look a lot like stubbornness depending on where it's pointed.

Being highly alert to other people's behaviour may have helped someone survive an unsafe environment, even if it creates problems in relationships now.

A person who has spent years taking care of everybody else may be incredibly dependable while having almost no idea how to take care of themselves.

Part of the work can be figuring out how to use those parts of yourself differently.

What does this look like in therapy?

Usually it doesn't look like a "Positive Psychology exercise."

It might come up because we're talking about a difficult week and I notice you handled one situation differently.

We might spend some time figuring out what allowed that to happen.

Or you might tell me everything that went wrong in an argument, and somewhere in that story there's a moment where you stopped yourself from doing something you would have done six months ago.

I want to notice that too.

Not because we need to congratulate ourselves for every small thing, but because change is easier to understand when we know what helped create it.

We can learn from the times things go right just as much as we can learn from the times they go wrong.

Some of the more familiar ideas associated with positive psychology include gratitude, meaning, relationships, strengths and well-being. Harvard Health has a collection of articles on positive psychology, and Psychology Today's overview gives a fairly accessible introduction to the field, including some of its criticisms.

What does the research say?

There is research supporting positive psychology interventions, but I wouldn't present them as something magical or clearly better than every other kind of therapy.

A meta-analysis of 39 studies involving more than 6,000 participants found small improvements in well-being and depressive symptoms following positive psychology interventions. The researchers also pointed out limitations in the quality of the evidence and considerable differences between studies.

A more recent systematic review comparing positive psychology with other active psychological treatments found no significant advantage for positive psychology in treating depression or increasing happiness.

I actually think that's useful information.

I don't use positive psychology because I believe it is the answer. I use parts of it because paying attention to strengths, values, meaning and what's already working can add something useful to counselling.

It's one part of the work.

Positive Psychology and Counselling in Saskatoon

I use ideas from positive psychology alongside other approaches in my counselling work in Saskatoon.

For me, the useful part isn't trying to make people more positive.

It's helping people understand what they value, recognize strengths they can actually use, and build more of the life they want while still being honest about the things that need work.

I offer individual and couples counselling in Saskatoon, with in-office appointments on Sundays and virtual and walk-and-talk counselling available throughout the week.

If you'd like to see whether my approach would be a good fit, I also offer a free 15-minute consultation.

You can reach me at TheListeningTherapist@gmail.com or 306-361-5830.